Retiring with friends: why I want to grow old with my girlfriends

Twenty years of Wonder Women, and we've all gotten older. So I've started planning where we'll live when we're 80. Here's the idea, and how to try it with your own friends.

Why I keep thinking about this

Wonder Women has been going for 20 years. I've gotten older. We've all gotten older. And at some point, we're all thinking about retirement.

Here's the part nobody likes to say out loud. The men are going to die before us. The kids don't want you around as much anymore. You start going to more funerals than weddings or birthdays. Every year you lose someone else. What are you going to do?

I already know what I want. I want to hang out with my friends. Live together. Hang out. I'll be a DJ and you can teach yoga.

That's what we call the Golden Girls compound.

What is Golden Girls living?

The name comes from The Golden Girls, the TV show about four older women sharing a house in Miami. They fought, they ate cheesecake at midnight, and they had each other. A lot of women watched that and thought, honestly, that looks pretty good.

Today people use "Golden Girls living" for a few different setups:

• Home sharing. Two to five friends buy or rent one house together and split the costs.
• Cohousing. Everyone has her own home or apartment, clustered around shared space like a big kitchen, a garden or a common house. Residents run it together.
• Co-living for seniors. Shared housing set up by a company or nonprofit, usually with private bedrooms and shared living areas.
• The compound. A group of friends taking over a set of houses in one place.

Why retiring with friends matters more as we age

Loneliness is a health problem, and a serious one. The U.S. Surgeon General's 2023 advisory said social isolation raises the risk of dying early about as much as smoking every day (PBS NewsHour). A review of 148 studies found that people with stronger social relationships had about a 50% greater likelihood of survival (PLoS Medicine).

I don't need a study to tell me that. Life is full of surprises. Your network is what gets you through it. Who do you call when something happens? When you're 80, I want the answer to be: the woman down the hall.

We're going to get old as a community. What do we need? Connection.

What I'm planning

People ask me why I don't do conferences. No. I'm thinking about what we need as a group when we're 70 or 80. How do we want to live? I think this community can last that long, because it's built on trust and real friendship.

It will be multiple locations. But one thing I learned: I'm still too young to retire all the way. So we're going to keep it mobile. A new location every year.

Here's how it works: we live together in paradise locations, fully staffed, for 1 to 12 months a year. Stay for a little while, or live there together. A location with 40 houses. A five-bedroom house on the beach, massages every day. And then we find out the real stuff. Can we get along? Who should live with whom?

There's already a waitlist of members who want in. You can read more in the Golden Girls section of our site.

Who it's for

This is for friends. In Wonder Women, the Golden Girls compound is for members, invited in and curated by personality.

Much of Wonder Women is built on a foundation of friendship. It's not something you sign up for, pay, and go. We're looking for our tribe. So come join us for a dinner, then become a member. That's when all the good things start to happen.

If you want to try it with your own friends

You don't need to wait for us. Here's what I'd think about first:

1. Pick people you'd actually WANT to live with. Not just people you like at dinner. Who's messy, who's up at 5am, who needs quiet, who throws parties. Friendship is the foundation, but daily life is different.
2. Test it before you commit. Take a long trip together first. A week in a rented house tells you a lot. A month tells you everything.
3. Have the money conversation early. Who owns what, who pays for what, and what happens to a share if someone wants out.
4. Plan for the hard stuff. What happens if someone gets sick, needs care, moves closer to grandkids, or dies? Write it down. Get a lawyer to help with the agreement.
5. Give everyone her own space. A private bedroom and bathroom, at minimum. Togetherness works better with a door you can close.
6. Think about care. Is there a doctor nearby? Can you bring in help if someone needs it? Fully staffed sounds like a luxury, but it may be what makes it work.
7. Keep the fun in it. Regular dinners, a standing game night, trips. The point is to hang out with each other. Don't let it turn into a homeowners' association.

Questions women ask me

What is Golden Girls living?

It's when older women, often friends, choose to share a home or a group of homes instead of living alone. It's named after the TV show about four women sharing a house in Miami.

What is the difference between cohousing and co-living for seniors?

In cohousing, everyone has her own private home, clustered around shared space, and residents run the community together. Co-living usually means private bedrooms in a shared house, often set up by a company or organization.

How do you start living with friends in retirement?

Start with the right people, then test it with a long trip or a trial stay before anyone buys anything. Agree on money, privacy and what happens if someone's needs change, and put it in writing with a lawyer's help.

Does the Wonder Women Golden Girls compound exist yet?

It's a rotation of homes each year with invited members. There's already a waitlist of members who want in.

Dr. Yao Huang founded Wonder Women more than twenty years ago with a table of four friends in New York. Today it's 20,000 women and 5,000 dinners in 30+ cities. She is also the founder of The Hatchery and a three-time TEDx speaker.