How to host a dinner party for 20 (and actually enjoy it)

Twenty women, one home, one long table. We've thrown this party about 5,000 times. Here's how our hosts pull it off without spending the whole night in the kitchen.

Why 20 is the magic number

Every Wonder Women dinner is curated for about 20 women. After 20 years, we still think it's the right size.

Twenty is big enough that everyone meets someone new. It's small enough that the whole table can still be one conversation, at least for the first hour. Go much bigger and it turns into a cocktail party where people only talk to their neighbors. Go much smaller and you're one shy guest away from a quiet night.

Host it at home

We started in restaurants, and we moved to homes for a reason. People walk into a home differently. Some bring gifts. They relax. The vibe changes. Nobody is waiting for your table, and nobody at the next table is listening in.

You don't need a mansion. You need room for one or two long tables, enough chairs, and a spot for people to stand with a drink when they arrive.

Hand the food to someone else

The biggest mistake a host of 20 can make is cooking. If you're in the kitchen, you're not at the table, and the host is the ONE person who has to be at the table.

At Wonder Women dinners, a private chef handles the food: three courses, with wine. The host opens her home, and the chef takes care of the rest. If a chef isn't in the budget, hire a caterer for the main course, or have it delivered and plate nothing yourself.

Serve it family style. Big platters, passed down the table, everyone helping themselves. Food passed around instead of plated is one of the small things that bonds a table. You can't pass the potatoes without talking to the person next to you.

Dinner party menu ideas for large groups

For 20 people, pick food that waits for you, instead of food you wait for. Our rules of thumb:

• Something on the table when they sit down. Bread, olives, cheese, a dip or two. Nobody should be hungry during the introductions.
• Mains that hold. Braises, roasts, big trays of roasted chicken or salmon, a pasta bake. Things that taste just as good 20 minutes later.
• Sides that are fine at room temperature. Grain salads, roasted vegetables, a big green salad dressed at the last minute.
• Two of every platter. One for each end of the table, so nobody waits for the potatoes to make it down 12 feet.
• A vegetarian main, not just sides. And ask about allergies and dietary needs when people RSVP, not at the door.
• A dessert you slice. A big cake or a tart. Nothing that needs plating one by one.
• Plenty to drink. Wine, water on the table, and something good for the non-drinkers.

Seat people on purpose

This is where most hosts leave the magic on the table. They let people sit wherever, and friends sit with friends.

We seat every dinner. Name cards at every place. Friends who came together get split up. We put people next to someone we think they'll enjoy, for reasons they don't see coming. As Yao tells every table, "You're gonna have to talk to each other to find out why."

Mix ages, industries and neighborhoods. Put your most generous talkers next to your newest guests. And if you're the host, don't hide at the end of the table near the kitchen. Sit in the middle, where you can see everyone.

"Suddenly these 20 strangers are your biggest cheerleaders… In one night, we become a community."Ashley Laabs, Wonder Women member, Seattle

The first hour: funny introductions

Twenty strangers won't open up on their own. So we spend about the first hour making each other laugh.

Everyone stands up and shares their name, what they do, and something Google doesn't know about them. One or two minutes each. Warn people in the invite so they come with a story. We wrote up exactly how to run it in our dinner party icebreaker.

By the end of the intros, the walls are down and everybody has three people they want to talk to.

Your checklist for a dinner party of 20

1. Three to four weeks out. Pick the date, send the invites, and ask for RSVPs with dietary needs. Tell guests about the introductions.
2. Two weeks out. Book the chef or caterer. Count your chairs, plates, glasses and napkins. Rent what's missing, including a second table if you need one.
3. One week out. Confirm the headcount. Make the seating chart. Print the name cards.
4. The day before. Set the table: linens, candles, flowers kept low so people can see each other, name cards in place. Chill the wine. Clear a spot for coats and bags.
5. The day of. Greet everyone at the door with a hug and put a drink in their hand. As Yao puts it, "I liquor you up." It loosens everyone up a little.
6. Once they're seated. Start the intros right away, while the bread is going around.
7. Before they leave. Tell them when the next one is, so nobody has to figure out how to see each other again.

Questions people ask us

How do you host a dinner party for 20 people at home?

Rent the tables and chairs you need, hire a chef or caterer so you're not stuck cooking, and serve family style. Seat people on purpose with name cards, and open with short, funny introductions so the table becomes one group.

What do you serve at a dinner party for a large group?

Food that holds: braises, roasts, pasta bakes, grain salads and roasted vegetables, with bread and cheese on the table when guests sit down. Put out two of every platter so both ends of the table eat at the same time.

Can you fit 20 people at one table?

Yes, with rented banquet tables pushed end to end, or two long tables side by side. What matters is that everyone can see and hear each other during the introductions.

How long should a dinner party last?

Our dinners usually run about two and a half hours. That's enough time for introductions, three courses and real conversation, and people leave wanting more.

Dr. Yao Huang founded Wonder Women more than twenty years ago with a table of four friends in New York. Today it's 20,000 women and 5,000 dinners in 30+ cities. She is also the founder of The Hatchery and a three-time TEDx speaker.