Public speaking tips from a shy kid who ended up on the TEDx stage

Three TEDx talks, the World Economic Forum, the Tribeca Film Festival, and stand-up at Caroline's, NY's biggest comedy club. Speaking is a skill, and you can learn it. Here's how I did.

From the back of the class to the stage

I was the shy kid in the back of class.

Then I had a job where I had to give presentations every day. In the beginning I was really scared. But over time, I befriended the people in the room, so it was like talking to friends. And I had learned the material so well, I could do it in my sleep.

So it wasn't about what I said. It was about making the whole thing engaging.

You're an entertainer, not a professor.

Since then I've given TEDx talks on innovation in New York and San Diego, and one on climate in Chicago. I've spoken at the World Economic Forum and at the Tribeca Film Festival. And a lot of corporate stages.

Nobody is born doing that. You learn it, one room at a time. And the best part is that the bar in most rooms is a lot lower than you think.

What stand-up taught me about speaking

When I was a CEO studying for the Series 7, I added a stand-up comedy class, mostly for fun (the whole story is in Funny is sticky). I kept performing after the class ended.

Here's the lesson I took to every stage after that.

Being funny on a comedy stage is a high bar. Being funny in a corporate setting? Very low bar.

A room full of executives at 2pm has heard forty slides already. One real laugh and they wake up. And funny is sticky. People remember the joke, and they remember the point you attached to it.

Public speaking tips that actually work

1. Know your first and last lines cold. The opening gets you through the scariest thirty seconds. The ending means you never trail off with "so... yeah, that's it."
2. Pick one idea. If they remember only one thing on the drive home, what is it? Build everything around that.
3. Open with a story. Story first, point second. Tell them what happened, then tell them what it means. Nobody leans in for a thesis statement.
4. Find one funny thing. It doesn't have to be a joke. A true, slightly embarrassing detail about yourself works better than anything you could write.
5. Talk to one person at a time. Find the friendly faces. Finish a sentence with one, then move to the next. Suddenly it feels like a conversation.
6. Slow down. Pause. Silence feels a lot longer to you than it does to them. A pause after the big line lets it land.
7. Cut it shorter. Then cut again. At our dinners, if you see me spin my hand at my throat, wrap it up. Nobody has ever complained that a speech was too short.
8. Practice OUT LOUD, standing up. Reading it in your head doesn't count. Say it to the mirror, to your dog, to a friend. You'll hear which parts don't sound like you. For TEDx, it was a 10 to 15 minute talk, and I practiced it over and over again for three months for it to be good.

What to do with the nerves

I think about it as above the line and below the line. When you feel threatened, you drop below the line into survival brain. You rush. You read your slides. You apologize.

When you see an opportunity, you're above the line. You get playful. You can look up and actually see the room.

So change the story you tell yourself before you walk out. The audience isn't waiting for you to fail. They gave up their afternoon. They want you to be good. You're there to give them something.

Then breathe, find your first friendly face, and say your first line. The one you know cold.

Start in the small rooms

You don't start with a TEDx stage. You start with a toast. An intro at a dinner. Five minutes at a team meeting. A panel where you only have to answer three questions.

Every Wonder Women dinner starts with every woman at the table standing up and talking for two minutes: her name, what she does, and something Google doesn't know about her. For a lot of women, that's a little scary. It's also about the friendliest room you'll ever practice in. Twenty women who want you to be great, and who'll laugh at your stuff. (Here's how that intro works.)

Say yes to the small rooms, over and over. The big ones come after.

Want help?

I've helped CEOs of multiple companies quietly become the best speakers in their sector, dominating the stages at the conferences they go to. I've written a lot of their speeches too, because somehow I'm an expert at almost every topic.

If you have a big talk coming up and want help, reach out to me.

Questions women ask me

How can I get better at public speaking fast?

It's not something that happens quickly. You have to practice. So if you want it to happen faster, practice more per day, over and over again, like you would a sport.

How do I stop being nervous before a speech?

Practice a lot. Some people take a little beta blocker to calm the nerves (ask your doctor first). But instead of thinking of it as something scary, think of it as something fun. You're going out there and having a great time performing. If you lead with fun and laughter, it won't be so serious and scary.

What's the best way to start a speech?

With a short, true story. Drop the audience into a moment, then tell them why it matters. It beats "Thank you for having me" every time.

Should I memorize my whole speech?

Memorize the opening and the ending. For the middle, know your points and the stories that go with them, and talk it through. Word-for-word memorizing makes you sound like you're reading, and one missed line can throw you.

Dr. Yao Huang founded Wonder Women more than twenty years ago with a table of four friends in New York. Today it's 20,000 women and 5,000 dinners in 30+ cities. She is also the founder of The Hatchery and a three-time TEDx speaker.